My Toddler is Afraid of the Dark: What to Do

First up, if your toddler has developed a fear of the dark, it’s absolutely developmentally normal.  Most families will navigate this at some point and there are lot of things we can do to minimise this anxiety and its impact on great sleep for the whole family. 

In this blog we’ll talk about when a fear of the dark most commonly develops, its prevalence, causes and most importantly how you can help your toddler who is afraid of the dark.

At what age can a fear of the dark occur or start to develop?

From 18 months onwards your child’s development explodes and so too does their imagination.  Most research and experts point to the 2 year mark where fears of the dark start to emerge. It can often feel like the transition of sleeping in pitch black room to suddenly afraid of the dark happens extremely quickly but if you reflect back there will probably have been subtle signs in the few weeks or months leading up.

Is it normal for toddlers to be scared of the dark?

Yes it’s completely  normal for your toddler to be afraid of things like the dark. Research suggests for older 4-12 years olds over 73% reported nighttime fears of some description (1).  Other common fears toddlers develop are fears of the toilet, strangers, loud noises, changes in the environment and animals.  They might be afraid of “bad” people and certain noises as they get a little older too. Separation anxiety in babies and toddlers is another common issue many families have to navigate.

Signs toddler is afraid of the dark

By the time toddlers are afraid of the dark (around the age of 2) most have the basic language skills to let you know.  As well telling you, they may also become increasingly fussy and clingy at bedtime with more wakeups.  

Addressing any anxieties around the dark early is the key to success. 

You’ll transition from a room where you’ve tried to block out every glint of light to allowing some back in, we’ll talk more about how to do this below.

 

What causes a fear of the dark to develop in toddlers? 

There’s not a great deal of research on this topic, but it’s thought that a fear of the dark in babies and toddlers can develop  from:

Learnt behaviour i.e. hearing that darkness is scary from peers or adults

• If you have fears of the dark it’s important to park this in front of your toddlers 
• It’s also important to avoid suggesting fear of the dark as a concept to your toddler e.g. don’t say “are you afraid of the dark?” 
• TV, movies and even books can often play a role – the scary wolves or bad guy characters in movies literature are nearly always depicted in the dark with dark colours, monitoring what they are watching and always talking about how they feel if something scares them is important 

Innate survival mechanisms 

• Our primal relatives when the moon was dark predators would become prey

The inability to see in very dim light

• It’s not so much a fear of the dark but what they can’t see or 
• Not being able to get up and go to the toilet or get to your room etc.

Two factors that really contribute to fear of the dark becoming a problem with children going to sleep and staying asleep are

1. Overtiredness – the release of stress hormones (including cortisol) (6) can enhance all big feelings and increase any anxieties in the evening be it dark or separation 
2. Undertireness – conversely a toddler going to bed undertired will have too much time to lie there and think about anything and everything 

The appropriate amount of day sleep for all children is essential – if your toddler has had a big day and is overtired (for whatever reason) and is predisposed to evening fears, it’s essential you know what’s coming and that the evening and bedtime may be filled with big feelings.

How Fear of the Dark Disrupts Toddler Sleep Patterns

A toddler that is afraid of the dark may heave problems:

• Falling asleep at night 
• Not wanting to fall asleep by themselves
• Staying asleep if they wake up in the middle of the night 
• Frequently coming in to their parents room 
• Yelling out and fussing if they wake or can’t fall asleep 

Children’s fears can often lead to nightmares. Nightmares and night terrors are two related sleep problems that your child might be experiencing and a fear of the dark may be contributing to.

My sleep routines will ensure your toddler is getting the appropriate amount of sleep.

How to Help a Toddler Who is Afraid of the Dark

Here are our top tips of how to deal with a toddler afraid of the dark:

Tip 1: Acknowledge and normalise fears: 

• Don’t ignore them and say they are being silly, your child’s feelings are real to them, gently validating them and staying solution focused will go along way
  • E.g. “you know, a lot of kids your age are scared of the dark. It’s really normal. Something that can help is if we use a night light”

Tip 2: Don’t make a big deal 

• Avoid making a song and dance out of your child’s fears, 
• don’t talk about it with others in front of your child. 

TIP 3: Reassure your child they’re safe 

• but don’t buy in to ‘checking for monsters’ etc as this can send your child a message that you think there’s a possibility that there actually could be monsters somewhere

TIP 4: Understand what they’re specifically afraid of

• Because toddlers tend to engage in ‘magical’ thinking (thinking that their own thoughts, beliefs and actions can influence the outside world), 
• You can use some creative strategies like a “bad dream buster spray” where you can use a relaxing fragranced room spray at night time to keep bad dreams away. 
• Other strategies like a magic wand or spell can also work. 

TIP 5: Use a nightlight 

• Get one your child can operate so they can have a sense of control – see notes below on colour 

TIP 6: Use rewards 

• If you think there’s a behavioural element to these fears (e.g. using them to deliberately stall bedtime) – see modules 2 and 3 of the Toddler Toolkit.

TIP 7: Doll and Teddy therapy  

• A favorite stuffed animal or doll (5) can help your child feel more relaxed or secure throughout the night
• The Huggy-puppy intervention (7) is a really interesting study that trialled using a stuffed animal on children 4-6 who at various nighttime fears – they tested a) requesting the child to take care of the doll, and b) providing the same doll with a cover story that the doll will serve as a protector. Both options had a significant impact on reducing night time fears so you can pick your cover story 😉 
•  As always if you’re using a doll or comforter ensure you are falling Red Nose safe sleep guidelines

TIP 8: Make fun in the dark (outside bedtime) 

• Don’t just save dark for bedtime 
• Spend some time in the dark together to make it fun! 
• Read a book together with a flashlight or make shadow puppets on the wall. There are also some great book projectors that kids love where darkness is essential 
• This time together helps your child gain confidence about being in the dark.

 

Using a Night Light and Other Tools to Reduce Your Child’s Fear   

Using a night light can help your toddler if they no longer like sleeping in a dark room.

When choosing a night light, colour is important – one with an orange or red glow is preferable to that of white, blue or green, as these colours can inhibit (the sleepy hormone) melatonin production (3). 

You want any night light you use to be dim and as far away as you can get from your child as possible.

While red light is better for melatonin production darkness is better, it’s a balancing act of minimising your toddlers’ anxiety around darkness while keeping the room as dark and conducive to sleep as possible.

Another option is leaving a bathroom/hallway light on and the bedroom door ajar – swapping the hallway light to a red bulb can be a good solution.

Don’t stress if you don’t have a red bulb…only swap to this if bedtime battles are a worry, for the majority of houses a warm dimmed light is absolutely fine.

Annoyingly many of the sleep trainer clocks available use a blue light overnight, this is ok but make sure it is turned down to the dimmest setting and I recommend angling it so it isn’t directly facing your child’s bed.

Avoid things like projectors though as these can become a distraction for preschoolers at sleep time.  

How to Create a Safe Sleep Environment for a Toddler

The cot to bed transition is one of the biggest milestones you’ll have to navigate with your toddler – lots of information on this in my toddler sleep programs. Before you do this you’ll most likely add a night light or transition from their pitch black baby room to setting your child’s room up with some light.

Toddler doesn’t want to sleep in their own bed?

This is really common for children who have night time fears.  See my toddler bundle on everything you need to know to promote confident kids who love their sleep. Child’s room  

Bedtime Routines to Help Toddlers Feel Safe in the Dark

A gentle bedtime routine is one of the key things you can. My toddler sleep programs have great bedtime routines to help you scaffold evenings with lovely rituals.

Light exposure in the hour before bed can play a role in melatonin production so low lighting while you’re winding down for bed can be really important in creating a calm and relaxing transition to bed (4).

Breathing exercises together can be a powerful relaxation tool to minimise anxiety (2) .

When to Seek Help for a Toddler’s Fear of the Dark

Nyctophobia is an extreme fear of the dark. If the tips above aren’t working and your child is suffering from other anxiety disorders or afraid of darkness during the day and it’s impacting your lifestyle it might be time to talk to your paediatrician and get a referral to a psychologist.   

My sleep programs are a great starting point for all baby sleep related issues – they are online courses that you can complete at your own pace.