Rigid schedules vs responsive parenting, Dr Golly Paediatrician weighs in with his thoughts on sleep training and how parents and babies crave gentle routines.
"Routine isn't the enemy. Neither is responsive parenting. The real problem is that we've confused routine with rigid scheduling."
Few parenting topics spark more debate than routine. Mention it in a mothers' group and you'll quickly hear two very different opinions.
One parent will tell you that routine saved their sanity. Another will insist that routines are restrictive, outdated and prevent you from responding to your baby.
Some experts encourage schedules. Others tell parents to throw the clock away entirely.
And somewhere in the middle sits a confused, exhausted parent wondering: Should I have my baby in a routine or not? The truth is, I think the entire debate has missed the point.
Routine Isn't a Schedule
One of the biggest misconceptions in modern parenting is that routine and scheduling are the same thing. They're not. A schedule is watching the clock. A routine is recognising a pattern. Babies don't wake up knowing it's 9am. But they do learn predictability.
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Feed.
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Burp.
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Settle.
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Sleep.
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Repeat.
That's a pattern that is the foundation to all my sleep routines.
And contrary to what some people believe, babies generally thrive when life becomes predictable. Not because they are being controlled, but because predictability feels safe.
Babies Are Excellent Communicators
One thing I've learnt after many years as a paediatrician is that babies are remarkably good communicators.
In fact, babies are often much better communicators than adults. They don't use words; they don't use sarcasm; they don't hide how they're feeling. They tell you exactly what's wrong.
The challenge is that we're often poor interpreters.
When a baby is unsettled, they're communicating something:
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Discomfort
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Hunger
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Fatigue
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Overtiredness
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Overstimulation
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Trapped Wind.
The question isn't whether your baby is trying to tell you something, the question is whether we're hearing it correctly.
Why Some Babies Seem "Anti-Routine"
I often hear parents say "My baby hates routine." But babies don't actually hate routine, what they dislike is discomfort. If a baby is uncomfortable, no amount of scheduling will solve the problem…and this is where I think many routine discussions go off track.
Parents become focused on wake windows, nap lengths and feeding intervals while completely missing the reason their baby is unsettled in the first place.
The Missing Piece Nobody Talks About
If you've heard me speak before, you'll know there's one issue I believe is dramatically overlooked.
Wind.
It may not be a glamorous topic, but trapped wind explains a surprising amount of newborn behaviour.
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Frequent feeding.
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Difficulty settling.
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Witching hour.
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Back arching.
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Grunting.
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Constant squirming.
Many of these babies aren't "bad sleepers”, they are just really uncomfortable. And an uncomfortable baby struggles to settle into any kind of rhythm. This is where routine and communication intersect. When we understand what our baby is trying to tell us and address the underlying issue, routine often develops naturally.
The Witching Hour Myth
One of the most accepted ideas in parenting is that babies simply become miserable every evening. Parents are often told:
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"That's just witching hour."
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"You have to survive it."
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"It'll pass eventually."
But I've never been particularly satisfied with that explanation. Babies don't become upset for no reason. When a baby is crying every evening, they're communicating something. Often, what happened earlier in the day is catching up with them. Witching hour is regularly a combination of overtiredness, trapped wind and the competing demands of a caregiver in the early evening.
The reality is that many of the problems we accept as "normal newborn behaviour" are actually signs that something isn't working. It’s often not something dangerous or serious; but it’s often something worth understanding.
Responsive Parenting and Routine Can Coexist
Perhaps the biggest myth of all is that responsive parenting and routine are opposites. They aren't.
In fact, the best routines are built through responsive parenting. You notice your baby's cues; both parents respond consistently. You learn your baby’s patterns. You remove obstacles to feeding and settling. Over time, a rhythm emerges; that rhythm becomes routine - not because you forced it; because you understood your baby.
Parents Need Predictability Too
We spend a lot of time talking about what babies need, but parents matter too.
Predictability:
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reduces anxiety
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builds confidence.
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allows parents to stop second-guessing every cry and every wake-up.
When you begin understanding your baby's communication, life becomes less reactive and more manageable…and that benefits everyone!
So, Should You Have a Routine?
My answer is simple; yes.
But not the kind of routine social media often talks about.
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Not a rigid timetable.
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Not a colour-coded spreadsheet.
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Not a system that ignores your baby's needs.
I want parent to introduce routines built on:
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Understanding
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Communication
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Responding consistently.
Because the goal isn't controlling your baby, the goal is understanding them…and when that happens, routine tends to take care of itself.
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